Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Randomize
