Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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