new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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