Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I knew it was on when he was dancing on stage and I gave him a dollar so in return he ripped my tit out of my shirt and started sucking on it IN THE MIDDLE OF THE BAR.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
Randomize
