apparently i ate an entire bag of goldfish, kissed some guy with a girlfriend who now wants to kill me, made my sister sleep in my bed with me while i wore no pants, and told my whole family i am pregnant with jonny's devil baby...never drinking again
Mario Lopez is the poor mans Ryan Seacrest
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
Sorry about the nipples in that snapchat. It was meant for the Australian.
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
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