There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
If we don't have crazy animal sex tonight at least twice, I'll know he's cheating on me.
Who wouldn't want crazy animal sex with you?!
A cheater.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
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