Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
If I come home tho and find u passed out naked in my bed with the bottle of crown empty, we're gonna have issues.
I'm sorry, I can't help the fact that I like to sleep naked, and I like booze, together it looks bad, yes.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Randomize
