If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Omg.....I raised my camera to take a pic at this presentation, and I wanted to zoom in, so I swiped my phone to the left and up pops my dick pic from last night.
I can't bring myself to turn around to see if pple saw it.
Hold on I'm doing something revolutionary that blossomed from a high idea
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
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