overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I came to the party for him. I don't know where he went, but I mentioned being hungry and his housemate brought me a huge tupperware container of berry cobbler. I think I'll stay.
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
My legacy here is being that tiny blonde girl that threw someone down and shouted "Fuck your face, I'm Dee Dee Ramone."
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
