i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
