It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Did we fight the bathroom girl ? She just wanted to give us lotion and condoms.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Randomize
