I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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