Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
turn left when you see the girl thats puking on the sidewalk. she hasnt been moving much so she makes a good street marker
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
we've dated a week and made out twice. he is taking it slow. but his body is stupid sexy. just want him to stop respecting me and fuck me like a gutter slut. respect me later im not getting younger.
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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