his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
I'm not letting you use my bathroom unsupervised anymore. You peed in the sink thinking it was a urinal...
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
so my dads pretending to use the snow blower and theres absolutley no snow one the ground.... someone should really lock our liqour cabinet
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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