need another drink. this is the easiest way
if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I'm like a freaking volcano of life and sexual frustrations
The taste of regret at 8am, yup that taste is Jack Daniel's
But I only have 2 emotions angry and horny
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
Randomize
