I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
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