i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
There is nothing like getting stoned and spying on people with binoculars
He wanted to bang in the work van while we were on shift together. He convinced me with "It's like the Scooby Doo van but looks nothing like the Scooby Doo van."
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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