I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
Randomize
