why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
totally just got a week extension on my midterm by telling my prof that I had just found out I was adopted
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Randomize
