my elementary bus driver served me drinks last night. He hooked me up
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I need a genital shamwow being this wet.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
