Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Who knew that being in a committed relationship is the same thing as forced celibacy? Did not sign up for this.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
Oh shit. There are penis maracas
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
the only thing I remember was some guy took out his fake eye to use it for beer pong
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
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