The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
my dad is drunk dialing our relatives who are stuck in a blizzard asking them to pick up sun tan lotion for him cause hes too drunk to drive to the store.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
Your penis caused this!
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Panties = found
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
