his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Please do not make a facebook page for my hickeys.
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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