be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
jesus, I think that canada gold metal game has completely changed all rules of acceptable drinking habits, I was fucked untill noon and I just got invited to go party when I get off work...at 600am...and NO ONE understood why i was hesitant
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
