i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
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