your room smells of hookers.
And success
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
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