i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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