Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
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