i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
casual night just sitting in the kitchen at 2 am eating stale chips and hot sauce while my friends younger sister is cleaning all the blood off my body
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'd cum everywhere if I could have chicken nuggets right now
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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