like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Im not moving so it's going to have to be a 3 some.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
Randomize
