Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
It feels like I've shaved away my winter coat and my vagina is going to freeze if I go outside.
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Randomize
