anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
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