Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
I remember trying to cut the power to a house I thought was "too bright to understand the meaning of christmas". Pretty sure I blacked out down the street.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
My dad just sent me a text reminding me to bring the family beer pong championship belt. Thanksgiving 2012 just got real
You can get gift cards to the liquor store! This changes everything.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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