I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
