Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
