So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The fact that the praying hands are in my top emojis defines how 2016 is going so far
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
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