On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The melted ice in my drinks tonight is probably the most water I've had in like 3 days accumulated.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
COME TO THE TOP OF THE MOUNTAIN AND I WILL GIVE YOU MY SAGE ADVICE.
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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