i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
everything was going good until you started showing off the pictures of poop you took with your phone
it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
What's a really polite way of saying "you have gravely overestimated the value of your vagina?"
Randomize
