It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
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