Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
