dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
