So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
Randomize
