There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I like the odds of his and my children being professional athletes too. To support me in my old age, see I do think about the future.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
Well, thats the first guy to go to jail because of my vagina
Post that event on your timeline
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
I thought my neighbors locked me out of the building. Then I remembered I was drunk. PUSH AND TURN.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
