Oh shit, I think we need to get you a hobby that doesn't include penises
what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
He was hiding behind my bedroom door. at noon. Wearing a t shirt. And a condom. Not attractive.
I slept with someone shorter than me. My vagina weeps.
You fool.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Randomize
