I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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