i need an iv and a liver transplant
My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
i was just skypeing her and i saw the vagisil medicated wipes in the corner of her room. i'll be breaking this off tomorrow
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
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