Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
how early is too early to start drinking over the gilmore girls revival
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
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