I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
it was one of those unspoken contracts of silence like "I teach your daughter and you work at a strip club"...I don't tell if you don't
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
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