Unfortunately, they didn't pull of their wake and bake plans. Instead, they waked and vomited like a half-retarded giraffe till everyone woke up.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
Oh man. Realized I was high when I realized how long I'd been watching Roseanne
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Randomize
