I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
Randomize
